I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Randomize
