Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I believe in your delicious
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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