From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
