....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
