I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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