i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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