I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
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