that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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