Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Randomize
