They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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