I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
