but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
