Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
