Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
