Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
