That's when you crack a 10am beer
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
We left an ass print on the piano.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
