If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Randomize
