see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
