Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
