the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
