i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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