You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
