"it" just moved
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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