the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
