Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
