Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
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