I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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