Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
