I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
