I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
He did a backflip because drugs
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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