That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
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