I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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