She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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