Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
