I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
