Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
