You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Randomize
