I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
