Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
