I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I have post one night stand depression
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