Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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