This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I have already put on my inside pants.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
