I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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