): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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