So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Less talking, more tequila
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
