I faked an abortion last night.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
