i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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