you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
