my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
