JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
