I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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