i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
