Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
